Burnout recovery is odd. Sometimes improvements in one area lead to huge steps back in another.
So far in January, I’ve had a much clearer head for writing and doing the ‘behind the scenes’ bit. Unfortunately, that’s come with a healthy dose of fear-based avoidance around any and all notifications and messages.
Why, you ask?
It’s so logical that I can’t even be mad at my brain for raising the alarm.
The last time I felt this mentally switched on, I was looking after between 150-350 clients. I messaged every one of them every single week to check in, and replied to messages 5 or 6 days a week. I watched technique videos, checked in when progress updates were missing, adapted programmes with our physio, and tracked shifts and improvements in everything from mindset, to fitness, to stage performances.
I had kept up that level of responsiveness for over 3 years with very few breaks, alongside running everything about the business and managing our team.
When me and my business partner decided to dissolve the business, the stress-debt my body had built up hit a tipping point. I found myself in the acute phase of a burnout that I’m still recovering from 2.5 years on. While the level of responsiveness wasn’t the source of my stress, it was the most consistent part of my work in the lead up to burning out.
Right now, my brain is trying to protect me from ending up back there.
I can hear the alarm bells ringing in my self-talk. I see the notifications adding up and I can feel the dread creeping in.
And I cannot blame my brain for needing some time to learn that we are safe now.
I’m sharing this for three reasons:
To let you know I’ve seen your message and I’m on my way!
To normalise the realities of dynamic disabilities and/or long recoveries alongside running your business. Sometimes the sands shift and we need to find our feet again at a moment's notice.
To remind us all that pushing through isn’t the answer - even if it feels like you are letting people down. Sometimes we need to go the slow route to deal with scary feelings before doing the seemingly simple thing.
This year, I’m working to gently let go of that fear so I can do more and be there more without being brave. There is a time and a place for bravery, and honestly, I don’t think it’s replying to messages.
Do you need to do anything? Nope. Carry on messaging as normal. I want to get back to being comfortably responsive (with regular breaks, of course), and I need your messages to help me get there!
If there’s something you are avoiding or that your find yourself worrying about more than you’d expect, let’s talk about it so you can use your bravery for bigger, more outrageous things! 😜
Speak very soon,
Seonaidh